Marriage Traditions of Zambia
To a Zambian, the union of one man
and one woman defines marriage. To them, marriage is the most precious gift God
gave to the human race. Zambians see it as a gift because it gives humans the
power to procreate (1). In Zambian culture, one usually will marry inside their
same tribe. But marriage from the same clan would be considered incest, which
is a very taboo thing in Zambia (2).
There are many values and traditions when it comes to marriage in
Zambia. “There are values and beliefs that have been there for
generations and these are rituals that prepare one for a good and long lasting
marriage. (3)”
There
are four main steps or processes when it comes to marriage and how Zambians go
about it. The four steps are Icisumina Nsalamu, Icilanga Mulilo, Ukukonkola,
and Amatebeto (4). The first step is
Icisumina Nsalamu, which is the acceptance of the marriage proposal. This is
where a meal is prepared by the bride’s family. This meal is then delivered to
the groom. And it symbolizes the acceptance of his marriage proposal. This meal will usually consist of Nshima,
which s a thick porridge made from maize meal, and it will also have a lot of
chicken with it. Traditionally the groom will not give anything back in return.
It is only a gesture by the bride’s family to show the groom they accept his
proposal (5).
The
next step is Icilanga Mulilo, which in direct translation means “Showing of the
Fire” or “introduction to Cuisine”. This step is where permission is being
granted for the groom to have the freedom to have meals from the bride’s family
during courtship visits. Icilanga Mulilio is a food that is prepared by the
bride’s family and delivered to the groom to symbolize an open invitation to
dine with the bride and her family. Before this gesture is made, the groom is
forbidden to eat with the bride and her family. The bride’s family makes a lot
of different foods and the groom is expected to eat or taste everything that is
made. This party is held at one of the bride’s relatives. It is a big group of
ladies that make the food and prepare it for the groom. The bride is not
involved in this step. Then the women will load all the food they made and
bring it to the groom and where he is staying.
When the party arrives at the gate of the groom’s house, they wait until
they have permission to enter. The invitation is in the form of money. This
money is not a large portion, but it is symbolic. The women enter singing and dancing with the
food. This whole presentation is a showcase of the bride’s menu. It also
symbolize that the groom is responsible for the welfare of his bride from now
on. The bride is not allowed to start cooking and doing the laundry of the
groom. “Icilanga Mulilo ceremony, the groom is allowed to give
back something, usually money, as a token of appreciation for the meal when
delivering back the empty plates to the bride (6)”.
Amatebeto,
which means thanks offering is next. Amatebeto is prepared by the bride’s
family and delivered to the groom after marriage is taken place. This step can
be prepared two or more years into the marriage though. This step symbolizes
the appreciation of the groom by the bride’s parents for keeping a trouble free
marriage. It acknowledges that that the groom is capable of looking out for
their daughter and his wife and that there marriage is confirmed and they have
her families blessings. In today’s practice, Amatebeto and Icilanga Mulilo have
been used interchangeably. They are also the two ceremonies most easily
confused for each other (7).
The
last step is Ukukonkola, which is a meal that is prepared for the groom by the
bride’s parents. It is a meal he will eat at his in-laws house. This meal will
symbolize the authority that is given to the groom to make family decisions
affecting his wife’s side of the family on behalf of elders in the bride’s
family. He is allowed to make some decisions without the consultation of the
in-laws. The bride’s family also declares to commit respect to the decisions
and to consider them binding. “The groom is initiated by first
going to his father and mother in-law’s bedroom. Traditionally, teenagers and
adult children are not allowed to enter their parents’ bedroom, much less an in
law’s! The parents’ bedroom is traditionally regarded as a sacred place for a
son in law to enter. On this very special occasion, the son in law is
allowed access. He is expected to remove the beddings found on his in-law’s bed
and to get whatever valuables are exposed. He also has got to peep under the
bed and to take anything that he finds there. Thereafter he is led to the
living room where he has to remove all the cushions on the sofa and reveal
anything hidden underneath them. He is allowed to keep whatever he
discovers. He is then led into the kitchen where he is to open all the
pots and pans, and eat whatever he finds. He is not expected to leave any
left-overs. He is to get all the food that remains and take it to his home
after this initiation.” (8) The meal is to symbolize that the groom is now part
of the family and that the bride’s family will recognize him as if he were
their own child. This is usually the last practice. (9)
Before the process above can
happen, the bride and groom must meet. The couple decides themselves if they
want to get married before they involve parents. (10). There are three steps that happen first.
Insalamu, when the two young people first fall in love. This is when the man
takes the first step, Insalamu, which shows the commitment he has towards a
woman he intends to marry. The two famililes then accept and acknowledge the
intention of their children. Second is Nkobekela which is the period from the
time of the insalamu is accepted by the woman’s side up to the wedding day.
During this period the young couple gets to know eachother and to their future
spouses family. Amatebeto is the last one, and it is where the woman’s family
responds to the man’s side with amatebeto. It is a ritual practice for social
and union between the two families. The woman’s family prepares the feast. (11)
Before the actual wedding day,
the elders teach the young couple values and what a marriage should be. Also
they learn how to abide to their new marriage. Also a go-between, or ba Shibukombe, from the
man’s side is chosen. This should be a man of integrity and a good example in
society. This man will arrange the first visit to the woman’s parent’s house.
The first visit, the go-between brings an amount of money. This amount does not
matter. This is only a small token presented to the woman’s parents indicating
why he is visiting. This money is kept by the parents. If marriage does not
work out, the money is returned. But the women already has told her parents she
wants to marry him. “After making known the purpose for
his visit even though they know about it, a second appointment is arranged when
ba Shikombe, the parents, and the woman must be present. At this meeting, the
woman is asked officially now if she knows who ba Shibukombe is representing,
and if she agrees, another meeting is arranged where the payment of the dowry
is discussed. The dowry is also known as bride price or lobola in Zambia. This
meeting is attended by family members from both sides.” (12)
A dowry is also used in
Zambia. In the past it was only used if the girl was a virgin, but now it is used
in whatever circumstance. In the past, a man and woman would sleep together
before marriage to prove that the girl was a virgin. This is no longer
practiced these days because Zambia is now a Christian nation. Paying the dowry in Zambia is aid by the man
to the woman’s family. The dowry is a sign of compensation to the family for
taking care of their daughter and to show them graditude for having raised such
a great woman. But some people look at dowries differently, some look at it as
they are “buying” their wife. The amount of the dowry will depend on how
affluent the man is. In old days it was done using cattle, but not money is
used. (13)
“Before
the marriage, those intending to get married were closely supervised,
especially the time when they wanted to see each other. Usually, a third,
especially a child was usually present. Other places where they could be
supervised were meeting at the grandparent’s home
in company of grand parents, without a child. During this period the man
was not allowed to visit in-laws at their place. This is the time also when
both sides of the bride and bride groom used to play their part. The man was
taught how to look after the wife and vise versa the woman was taught how to
look after a man and run a home.” (14)
In
the Bemba culture (a Zambian tribe), it is taboo for the bride to eat eggs.
They sya it will affect her fertility. Another Bemba tradition is to serve the
newlyweds a pot of chicken whose bones are then replaces in the pot and given
to the bride’s mother. Another tradition for the Lozi people is to eat porridge
off a stone to bless the couple. (15)
In
Zambia today, they are slowly losing these traditions of marriage. They are
losing their culture and their values as well. Their marriage customs are
slowly starting to resemble western countries and not their own. Divorce rates
have risen in Zambia as well, which back in the day is was almost impossible to
find someone that was divorced. Zambia is losing their traditional values in
exchange for western ideas and values. Some people say divorce rates are caused
by the ideas of westernized ways that woman think. Women want to wear the pants
in the home. (16)
Another
problem Zambia is having when it comes to marriage traditions not being in use
any more is that young girls are being “married off” at such young ages. The
minimum legal age for marriage is 18, unless you have parent consent than it is
16. Anyone under 16 is a minor and cannot be married. It is considered a huge
offense and is punishable by prison up to 25 years (17). But then why is it that so many girls are
being forced into marriage? Poverty in Zambia is high in rural areas and a
tradition of marrying daughters off young accounts for this high number. The
man has to pay a dowry and some parents will essentially sell their daughter to
get that dowry. So the parents get a financial gain in marrying their daughter
at a young age. (18) Marriage at a young age comes with many disadvantages,
such as high mortality birth rate because these young girls are not meant to
have babies so young and AIDS/HIV because these girls are usually marrying much
older men.
Many
marriage traditions in Zambia seem a bit strange to me. I wouldn’t ever
consider doing that much work in order to just get the permission by the family
to marry someone. But as time goes on, these traditions are being lost and
becoming more westernized.
Resources:
10. http://www.zambia-advisor.com/dowry-in-Zambia.html
18. http://www.violenceisnotourculture.org/content/zambia-early-marriage-tradition-violates-girls-rights
