Monday, December 17, 2012

Rough (first) Draft of Final Paper


Marriage Traditions of Zambia

To a Zambian, the union of one man and one woman defines marriage. To them, marriage is the most precious gift God gave to the human race. Zambians see it as a gift because it gives humans the power to procreate (1). In Zambian culture, one usually will marry inside their same tribe. But marriage from the same clan would be considered incest, which is a very taboo thing in Zambia (2).  There are many values and traditions when it comes to marriage in Zambia. “There are values and beliefs that have been there for generations and these are rituals that prepare one for a good and long lasting marriage. (3)”
There are four main steps or processes when it comes to marriage and how Zambians go about it. The four steps are Icisumina Nsalamu, Icilanga Mulilo, Ukukonkola, and Amatebeto (4).  The first step is Icisumina Nsalamu, which is the acceptance of the marriage proposal. This is where a meal is prepared by the bride’s family. This meal is then delivered to the groom. And it symbolizes the acceptance of his marriage proposal.  This meal will usually consist of Nshima, which s a thick porridge made from maize meal, and it will also have a lot of chicken with it. Traditionally the groom will not give anything back in return. It is only a gesture by the bride’s family to show the groom they accept his proposal (5).
The next step is Icilanga Mulilo, which in direct translation means “Showing of the Fire” or “introduction to Cuisine”. This step is where permission is being granted for the groom to have the freedom to have meals from the bride’s family during courtship visits. Icilanga Mulilio is a food that is prepared by the bride’s family and delivered to the groom to symbolize an open invitation to dine with the bride and her family. Before this gesture is made, the groom is forbidden to eat with the bride and her family. The bride’s family makes a lot of different foods and the groom is expected to eat or taste everything that is made. This party is held at one of the bride’s relatives. It is a big group of ladies that make the food and prepare it for the groom. The bride is not involved in this step. Then the women will load all the food they made and bring it to the groom and where he is staying.  When the party arrives at the gate of the groom’s house, they wait until they have permission to enter. The invitation is in the form of money. This money is not a large portion, but it is symbolic.  The women enter singing and dancing with the food. This whole presentation is a showcase of the bride’s menu. It also symbolize that the groom is responsible for the welfare of his bride from now on. The bride is not allowed to start cooking and doing the laundry of the groom. “Icilanga Mulilo ceremony, the groom is allowed to give back something, usually money, as a token of appreciation for the meal when delivering back the empty plates to the bride (6)”.
Amatebeto, which means thanks offering is next. Amatebeto is prepared by the bride’s family and delivered to the groom after marriage is taken place. This step can be prepared two or more years into the marriage though. This step symbolizes the appreciation of the groom by the bride’s parents for keeping a trouble free marriage. It acknowledges that that the groom is capable of looking out for their daughter and his wife and that there marriage is confirmed and they have her families blessings. In today’s practice, Amatebeto and Icilanga Mulilo have been used interchangeably. They are also the two ceremonies most easily confused for each other (7).
The last step is Ukukonkola, which is a meal that is prepared for the groom by the bride’s parents. It is a meal he will eat at his in-laws house. This meal will symbolize the authority that is given to the groom to make family decisions affecting his wife’s side of the family on behalf of elders in the bride’s family. He is allowed to make some decisions without the consultation of the in-laws. The bride’s family also declares to commit respect to the decisions and to consider them binding.
The groom is initiated by first going to his father and mother in-law’s bedroom. Traditionally, teenagers and adult children are not allowed to enter their parents’ bedroom, much less an in law’s! The parents’ bedroom is traditionally regarded as a sacred place for a son in law to enter. On this very special occasion, the son in law is allowed access. He is expected to remove the beddings found on his in-law’s bed and to get whatever valuables are exposed. He also has got to peep under the bed and to take anything that he finds there. Thereafter he is led to the living room where he has to remove all the cushions on the sofa and reveal anything hidden underneath them. He is allowed to keep whatever he discovers. He is then led into the kitchen where he is to open all the pots and pans, and eat whatever he finds. He is not expected to leave any left-overs. He is to get all the food that remains and take it to his home after this initiation.” (8) The meal is to symbolize that the groom is now part of the family and that the bride’s family will recognize him as if he were their own child. This is usually the last practice. (9)
                  Before the process above can happen, the bride and groom must meet. The couple decides themselves if they want to get married before they involve parents. (10).  There are three steps that happen first. Insalamu, when the two young people first fall in love. This is when the man takes the first step, Insalamu, which shows the commitment he has towards a woman he intends to marry. The two famililes then accept and acknowledge the intention of their children. Second is Nkobekela which is the period from the time of the insalamu is accepted by the woman’s side up to the wedding day. During this period the young couple gets to know eachother and to their future spouses family. Amatebeto is the last one, and it is where the woman’s family responds to the man’s side with amatebeto. It is a ritual practice for social and union between the two families. The woman’s family prepares the feast. (11)
                  Before the actual wedding day, the elders teach the young couple values and what a marriage should be. Also they learn how to abide to their new marriage.  Also a go-between, or ba Shibukombe, from the man’s side is chosen. This should be a man of integrity and a good example in society. This man will arrange the first visit to the woman’s parent’s house. The first visit, the go-between brings an amount of money. This amount does not matter. This is only a small token presented to the woman’s parents indicating why he is visiting. This money is kept by the parents. If marriage does not work out, the money is returned. But the women already has told her parents she wants to marry him. “After making known the purpose for his visit even though they know about it, a second appointment is arranged when ba Shikombe, the parents, and the woman must be present. At this meeting, the woman is asked officially now if she knows who ba Shibukombe is representing, and if she agrees, another meeting is arranged where the payment of the dowry is discussed. The dowry is also known as bride price or lobola in Zambia. This meeting is attended by family members from both sides.” (12)
                  A dowry is also used in Zambia. In the past it was only used if the girl was a virgin, but now it is used in whatever circumstance. In the past, a man and woman would sleep together before marriage to prove that the girl was a virgin. This is no longer practiced these days because Zambia is now a Christian nation.  Paying the dowry in Zambia is aid by the man to the woman’s family. The dowry is a sign of compensation to the family for taking care of their daughter and to show them graditude for having raised such a great woman. But some people look at dowries differently, some look at it as they are “buying” their wife. The amount of the dowry will depend on how affluent the man is. In old days it was done using cattle, but not money is used.  (13)
Before the marriage, those intending to get married were closely supervised, especially the time when they wanted to see each other. Usually, a third, especially a child was usually present. Other places where they could be supervised were meeting at the grandparent’s home in company of grand parents, without a child. During this period the man was not allowed to visit in-laws at their place. This is the time also when both sides of the bride and bride groom used to play their part. The man was taught how to look after the wife and vise versa the woman was taught how to look after a man and run a home.” (14)
In the Bemba culture (a Zambian tribe), it is taboo for the bride to eat eggs. They sya it will affect her fertility. Another Bemba tradition is to serve the newlyweds a pot of chicken whose bones are then replaces in the pot and given to the bride’s mother. Another tradition for the Lozi people is to eat porridge off a stone to bless the couple. (15)
In Zambia today, they are slowly losing these traditions of marriage. They are losing their culture and their values as well. Their marriage customs are slowly starting to resemble western countries and not their own. Divorce rates have risen in Zambia as well, which back in the day is was almost impossible to find someone that was divorced. Zambia is losing their traditional values in exchange for western ideas and values. Some people say divorce rates are caused by the ideas of westernized ways that woman think. Women want to wear the pants in the home. (16)
Resources:
10.http://www.zambia-advisor.com/dowry-in-Zambia.html
16.http://www.lusakatimes.com/2010/12/23/zambian-marriage/


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